Just sitting here doing time...

It's been a few since I have posted..and for good reason. I have not stuck to my word and in fact have even had chicken. What I have noticed is that I am really having a hard time making this happen for me. I dont know why this was so simple last time. I enjoyed all the food, loved the tastes and loved even more exploring new foods.
I remember years ago when I started this journey into the veg life, I promised myself I would try a new veggie each week. I was steaming okra, mashing sweet potatoes and eating edamame from the shell. Now, I cant even handle a cooked carrot. I dont know what happened. This has made me so depressed, angry and pissed off that I have to do this..not that I want to.
I feel like I am back at my cross roads. Why is this so friggin hard to do? I am not giving up completely but I have absolutely not stayed on my path. I would like to clear my slate and start over but I dont know if I can. I know I need to lose weight, I know I need to eat better and work out more....and I know I need to get to the bottom of my stomach issues. And I will....but when?
I was so ready a few weeks ago. Sitting in the bathroom thinking to myself  "its almost over..tomorrow starts relief". I was pumped and excited. Now Im aggravated and lost. Searching for my breaking point that I thought I already hit.

Today I was at target and  I overheard a woman say "I could be a vegetarian so easily" to which I chuckled to myself..really??? If its that easy - then do it..You're certainly not gaining anything by eating animals. Yes there is protein and other "good" parts but in actuality meats, all meats, are really bad for us. They contribute to heart disease, high cholesterol, cancer and many more. Yet if I know this,why do I find it so hard to not eat it. I have heard many people say that food is like a drug and now I understand that statement. Like an addict that knows its bad for them, hurting them and bringing them down right pain - yet they still do it..*sigh*

Im just a creature of habit. A hamster in the round who is content with the way things are..but is screaming inside for a change.

People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing


Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin


When I say that I'm o.k. well they look at me kind of strange


Surely you're not happy now you no longer play the game



People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away


Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me


When I tell them that I'm doing fine watching shadows on the wall


Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball
I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round I really love to watch them roll


No longer riding on the merry-go-round I just had to let it go