My thoughts exactly Alanis. I have come to terms with the fact that Im overweight. Sometimes I think its how I was meant to be. When I do get back up there in numbers I seem to hover around the same 3 pounds with or with out trying to diet. I have said to myself that it is what it is when it came to my weight and have gladly taken on the identity of the younger, less wealthy Barefoot Contessa. That said, it doesnt mean I'm happy with it. My sense of humor has always been my defense. My nice clothes and fancy bmw was me hiding behind the fact that I was a big girl. Inside I was so sick of it. SO sick of messing with my shirts so they didnt look too tight, so sick of thinking im one size and in reality, I wasnt. But most of all, sick of feeling like total hell for well..ever.
Today was not the easy day that I was hoping for. I was thinking that when I awoke from my slumber cartoon birds were going to flutter around me and carry me downstairs. Nope. I woke up way earlier than I wanted and starving. Great. I dragged myself downstairs to eat something. I didnt feel right. Still dont. Felt like I was in a daze. A little bit of a fog . I thought that after some cereal and almond milk I was going to magically feel like a yogi. Nope. All I wanted to do was nap. Go back to bed and stay there. I was counting the minutes until nap time and staring at my two year old like " cmon - arent u tired yet?? " Finally nap time and I got right into bed and poof, my eyes were wide open. Really?? All I had been thinking about for 5 hours was a nap and now I was awake enough to do calculus. Well, maybe not that awake. I never passed Algebra 1.
A little lunch of sesame tofu, brown rice and fresh scallions was what I decided on for lunch and what was in my mind the perfect food to get me out of this rut. Now before you think "ugh tofu" - have you tried it? Really before you judge, think about what you put in your mouth today. A soy bean isnt the worst thing you could ingest. I purchase the golden sesame tofu from whole foods. I have actually driven many hours to get it. Its amazing!! When you're faced with a bum that hurts, you just want something that doesnt bother you. In actuality I dont know if soy is the right choice for me. Sometimes after I eat it, I do get sick. For it happened today...but I dont know if thats just a coincidence. Guess time will tell. Here is a pic - dont tell me it doesnt look yummy. Tofu has an egg like consistency and it doesnt have a taste. It takes on whatever you cook it with. For those of us who cant have eggs ( i am actually allergic) it is a great option. You can buy firm tofu, scramble it with some garlic, salt and pepper and its like an omelet!
So here I sit, the eve of 35. Eating my weight in pistachios. I really want cheez its, but that wont work too well in my new diet. I dont have too much funny today. It was such an odd day. Never felt right. I did however do my exercises. As much as my two year old was setting lego's in my path as his was of showing his disdain for me using the television, I did my two miles.
I am hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. Aside from it being my bday, I am going to have cake - so in the end , it will be a great day.
"That I Would Be Good” explores the wonder we all feel—if we lost a certain something, would we still matter—would we still be loved?
“That I would be loved - Even when I am not myself. That I would be good - Even when I am overwhelmed.”
No comments:
Post a Comment