They say it's your birthday...

and it was.. Though it wasnt a bad birthday, it just wasnt like the old days. There wasnt a Strawberry Shortcake paper tablecloth, michael jackson records, Doritos and m&m's. There was a two year old with double Early Intervention sessions, trips to the grocery store and gas station. Not to mention, hotter than the devil's crotch outside- which always makes me oh so bubbly.

Since this was my birthday and calories do not count, I indulged in my favorite food ever. Cake. I dont like fancy bullshit cake. I like gritty lard frosting from Shaw's. Where there are pretty pink roses and petals that I can eat whole - and do. There is always room for cake. Always. I had a feeling that eating it would probably bother my stomach and sure enough I was right. About an hour after, I was in the bathroom asking myself why I ate it  - well duh, its my birthday. The second round I asked myself if it was worth it and as much as i love cake - like LOVE cake - it really wasnt worth it. 9 hours later and 3 more rounds I still stand by my statement. I feel horrible. Not like I did yesterday, I am out of my fog. But I feel like i got punched in the stomach. The whole point of me committing to this was to find out if I am really ready to go forth and end this lifestyle...and I have to say after taking two steps back..I am ready.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my birthday. A holiday in my eyes, where I celebrate me. When I was little I wore a pin that read "ITS MY BIRTHDAY"  and have always lived up to being a true Leo . But today I did alot of inner reflecting instead of celebrating. I thought about how much I cry and how easy it is for me to tell people to man up but I cant seem to do it myself. Why are we always our own worst enemies? We know we should eat right, do our cardio, donate our time and money and we eat deep fried oreo's (gross, yes Ive tried them), sit in our favorite spot and change the channel when that commercial comes on - we all know which one. I try so hard to do the right thing..but I always end up saying, well hearing Gloria Estefan say, "Theres always tomorrow to start over again." And it rings true again. Tomorrow.

I guess the real test starts then. No more cake, even though there is some downstairs singing a sweet love song to me from the fridge. I just cant. Its not worth it. Maybe if I say that enough, I will start to believe it.



“Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.” - Napoleon Hill